Figurines adorn multiple shelves in the background. Some are purposefully set up in poses while others are left mint in the box.

Two championship belts immediately draw your attention. The one on the left is solid gold with purple accents. The words “Major Wrestling Podcast” cover the center. On the right, is the Internet Championship, adorned with a skull logo, sunglasses, and a purple headband. 

The desk in focus has a high-end microphone sitting on it. More wrestling figurines are located on the left, along with collector edition Pabst Blue Ribbon cans. Just as you are getting used to the scene, a man walks in to focus and sits down behind the desk. The man is wearing a deep purple workout sleeveless shirt, cut narrow at the top and ripped in the middle. A match purple hat with a bright white “MC” bloody logo in the middle.

Matt Cardona: Welcome everyone to the Major Wrestling Figure Podcast YouTube channel. I am your host, “Always Ready” Matt Cardona! Boy.. we sure do have a lot to catch up on, don’t we? 

Matt Cardona let out a quiet laugh.

Matt Cardona: As I’m sure you all have seen, I recently made my appearance at a new organization, World League Championship Wrestling. I have been BLOWN UP ever since I showed up on Eruption. You see, I was just sitting at home when they called... Finally relaxing for once in my life. 

Pause.

Matt Cardona: You know, I had to nurse some nagging injuries from carrying the world of professional wrestling on my fuckin’ back!

He let out another laugh. He wore a wide smile on his face. 

Matt Cardona: The WWEs, the AEWs, the Impacts, GCWs, NWAs.. they all needed “Alwayz Ready” Matt Cardona to elevate them to the next level. And now.. The hero is being called to action AGAIN. WLCW couldn’t imagine functioning without yours truly. So I got the call.. Asking me… BEGGING me to be the face of the franchise. 

He reached over to the side and grabbed a PBR and cracked it open. He took a big swig from the can and let out an audible “Ahhhh”. 

Matt Cardona: Son of a bitch, that’s some good fuckin’ beer. 

He took another drink. He stared at the can for a minute before setting it down. 

Matt Cardona: In the end.. I decided to rescue the world of professional wrestling one more time. I thought to myself, “What would all the Marks out there want?” And it hit me.. They want me. They want Matt Cardona!

Matt Cardona: I am a man of the people. You all know that! I love my fans! One hundred percent! So I caved to the high demand and here I am.. Ready to take over as the face of the WLCW and show up and show out for the WLCW Universe!

He took another drink of his PBR. He went to set it down, before deciding he needed one more drink. 

Matt Cardona: Now, this brings me to my opponent at the upcoming pay-per-view, Ascension. It already looks like it’s going to be one for the ages. I mean, you’ve got the World Championship up for grabs.

He smiled and broke his train of thought. 

He cleared his throat. 

Matt Cardona: Back on track now.. While Cody fighting for the World Championship is headlining news, the biggest news of the day is I will be making my televised debut for WLCW! All you Marks out there will finally have a reason to tune in and watch!

He smirked. 

Matt Cardona: Now, while you most certainly will be excited to see me wrestle..

He made a mock disappointed face. 

Matt Cardona: You’re probably going to be severely disappointed at the “competition” they have given me. 

He made certain to put exaggerated air quotes around the word competition. Cardona was clearly disappointed in this booking.

Matt Cardona: Looks like I’ll be going up against ol’ demon boy himself.. Finn Balor… or wait… 

His eyebrows narrowed as a confused look spread across his face. 

Matt Cardona: I think he’s going by “Prince Devitt” now? Whatever his name is.. He’ll be Prince DeBitch afterwards. I’m going to be very real here with you Marks. It’s a real disgrace, to be honest, to have to be paired up with him. 

He shook his head in disgust. 

Matt Cardona: Truthfully, this is an equal match. This is me playing in the minor leagues when I should be playing in the fuckin’ majors! But whatever.. maybe this is paying reparations for the whole "Fuck Mick Foley" thing.

He rolled his eyes, annoyed by the situation. He knows he is worth more to this organization. He truly believed that if WLCW was to be successful, he was going to be the driving force. He just needed to make everyone else away of that.

Matt Cardona: It's fine, it's fine. At Ascension, I'll wipe the mat with "Prince Devitt's" face, and move on to better things. However, let's get back on track of what this episode is REALLY about. Today.. I have a very special unboxing to do.

He reached down below the desk and returned with a plain brown box, still sealed with packing tape.

Matt Cardona: Now, you know that I love me some wrestling figures. And today.. this one is really... really special.

He pulled a knife off the desk and cut open the box.

Matt Cardona: You see, this is a very rare figurine, that not many people know even exists.

As he opened the box, his face changed from excitement to sheer shock.

Matt Cardona: What the fuck is this? This is..

He burst into hysterical laughter.

Matt Cardona: ..fucking amazing! Ha Ha HA!

As he continued to laugh, he grabbed a sealed wrestling figurine container out of the brown box and threw it on the ground out of view. While he continued laughing hysterically, he slowly rotated the box to where the camera could view it. The figurine was that of... "Prince Devitt"? That doesn't seem special in the least bit. Matt slowly started to compose himself, bringing himself back into check.

Matt Cardona: I know... I know. This... isn't quite... what you expected. Phew... that was a good laugh. Now.. I mentioned that this is a rare figurine. Well, due to the complete lack of uniqueness, excitement, and good looks... this was the ONLY Prince Devitt figurine ever made because NO ONE FUCKING CARES ABOUT YOU, FERGIE! Do you mind if I call you Fergie?

A cocky smirk appeared on Matt's face, relishing in his snarkiness.

Matt Cardona: You see, this figurine is a representation of your entire, worthless, pathetic fucking career. Look at this damn thing..

Matt pushed the package closer to the camera. The closer it got, the more ridiculous this figurine looked. The face was all distorted and disfigured. In reality, it looked nothing like Prince Devitt.

Matt Cardona: Man.. they really nailed it with this one! Being a one of a kind figurine, it even comes with documentation of authenticity!

Matt unfolded a letter that came with the figurine. He cleared his throat.

Matt Cardona: Ahem.. "Congratulations! You are now the proud owner of the only Prince Devitt figurine in production! We do apologize about how this looks. This was an ambitious undertaking, as Prince Devitt is incredibly boring, bland, and uninteresting. We did our best, but ultimately lost interest in this figurine, just as the world has lost interest in Prince Devitt. However, we do wish you well and hope you enjoy your figurine!"

His jaw dropped.

Matt Cardona: Wow.. THAT was an epic note. I mean.. that's REALLLY got to sting. I know you're watching this, Fergie.. and I'm sorry that I had to read that outloud. It's bad enough that me and you know that you're a freakin' mid-card, obscure, forgettable "talent".. but now the entire WORLD has to! I mean.. you KNOW the whole world of wrestling watches my YouTube videos bro. All the Marks out there.. they're all about this!

He took a short swig from his PBR and continued.

Matt Cardona: So Fergie.. Demon-boy... Prince Ali A'boring.. I know what you're thinking, bud. You're thinking that you're going to walk into a sold out Madison Square Garden, put on a show, and get some clout. Maybe finally elevate that piss poor social media following, maybe make a few bucks and get a sponsor or something. The only thing that you're going to get out of this match is a grade-A ass beating! Don't forget when you step in that ring, you ungrateful son of a bitch.. the ONLY reason that The Garden is going to be sold out with thousands of screaming fans.. IS BECAUSE.. OF... ME!

Pause.

Matt Cardona: I'll give you one final piece of advice, pal.. Do what's best for yourself.. don't bother showing up at Ascension. It won't be just your pride that gets hurt if you show up.. I promise.. I'll end your fucking career!

The camera faded out.

Record - 2 / 0 / 0